"You're born absolutely free except laws of nature. If you drink too much you'll get drunk, that's a law. If you get old you die, that's a law...these are the only laws you're born with and any government just fucks you out of that type of freedom...You're not free. You need a diploma in this country to cut hair. They say if you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish...then he has to get a fishing license. But he doesn't have any money, so he has to get a job and enter the social security system. And he has to file taxes, and you're gonna audit the poor son of a bitch because he's not really good at math. You pull the IRS van up to his house and take everything. You take his velvet Elvis and his toothbrush and his penis pump and that all goes up for auction with the burden of proof on you because you forgot to carry the 1. All because you wanted to eat a fish, and you couldn't even cook the fish because you need a permit for an open flame. And then the health department is gonna wanna ask you a bunch of questions about where you're going to dispose of the scales and the guts. This is not a sanitary environment. And ladies and gentleman, if you get sick and tired of it at the end of the day, it's not even legal to kill yourself in this country. You were born free and you got fucked out of half of it, and you wave a flag celebrating that fact...If you wanna fix the pledge of allegiance, put a disclaimer at the end: With liberty and justice for all...must be 18, void where prohibited, some restrictions may apply, not available in all states."

- Doug Stanhope